Two roads diverged…

I have been silent for a while and it is not for lack of news nor events to share, more that I have been a little overwhelmed and things are just beginning to settle down to the point where I feel able to write about them. I have been writing on scraps of paper and and in the back of my journal and finally feel able to share what has been happening. If I did it all at once you would be reading all day long so I am going to break it down into chunks over a couple of days and begin where all stories should begin, at the beginning.

Just before Mistress left me in the care or Miss Erin something very important happened in my life, something life changing, astonishing and quite wonderful. I was left a little confused and it took me a few days to realise what had actually happened in its full enormity and by that point Mistress was not there to share it with. I spoke with friends close to my heart and I hinted about it to others and when Mistress finally came back I was able to try to put it into words and since her joyful return I have not really felt like writing but have been simply relishing my time with her.

Mistress pushed me, she pushed me right to the edge of my limits, my feelings and when I was there teetering on the edge she pushed again and I was lost and falling in an instant. Not that I reached a limit in my submission far from it but her every word, her every action was in hindsight designed to take me into that confused place, and I followed wide eyed and eagerly to the edge and over it headlong at her bidding. What happened next was what was so very, very important to me. She read me like an open book, she understood what she was doing right down to the moment the change in me occurred and I was there in her arms in an instant sobbing my heart out in confusion and relief.

As I regained my composure we were joined by another and I was not even really able to put it into words even if we had been alone. I needed time to be able to think what had happened through. What had happened was is that Mistress had broken me, not in the sense she broke my will or broke me to the whip but that she broke my fear and doubt into a thousand scintillating pieces. I always trusted Mistress but the simple fact that she was there to catch me when I fell and I believe she would not only do it again but she would never fail to means something very important.

Mistress broke my fear and doubt in my own submission, not something a submissive talks about very often but we are always a little afraid of ourselves and our desires that they may lead us somewhere we cannot escape from. There is also the double edged sword of a slaves desire and her Mistress’s desire, where the two meet is the happy middle ground, where they diverge can be confusing and as hard to accept as you allow it to be. My submission and Mistress’s dominance are so closely matched that this is hardly ever an issue but if I said I was not naturally a masochist but that I find great delight in the pain Mistress inflicts I suspect it would surprise both her and others. But it is true.

So what I mean by Mistress broke is me is I would follow her with eager open eyes into any situation. I will accept any and all demands hungrily and eagerly even if initially I have a twinge of fear it will vanish like a spark from a fire wafting up into the night sky and fading in an instant. The simple reason I can do that is I know Mistress is there to lead me down not only the path of my submission but the  path of her domination and where the paths diverge and I will follow after her I know that will make all the difference.

Tomorrow is going to be a fabulous day in that my good friend Sylvesz and her love Pina will be joined in matrimony at long last and that I will be allowed to be there, the story of the last month will continue tomorrow and these days in which I find such pleasure and joy.

There’s no place like home

Mistress returned from her travels last night looking refreshed and relaxed, I was in Miss Erin’s house just finishing up my chores and she was suddenly their looking radiant. She must have had a pleasant time but it is not my place to enquire after her but simply obey her orders and satisfy her whims. I kneeled quietly at her feet as my betters spoke and was pleased to hear Miss Erin was satisfied with my service over the past week, I definitely did not want to discover what would have happened to me if I had disappointed or embarrassed Mistress.

Soon enough she whisked me home to Dark Haven, it was strange but comforting to be back after spending so much time away. I really do think of these halls as home now, the place which once terrified me is now where I found and embraced my submission. I could see Mistress visibly relaxing too, spreading out comfortably upon one of the chairs before the ever roaring fire. She looked tired and still she made the time to ask after me and about what had occurred since she has been gone.

Mistress wasted no time in reasserting her dominance over me, she soon had me begging pathetically to serve her with a look of amusement sparking in those bewitching eyes of hers. With her needle sharp heel impaling me she had me writhing desperately to reach the toe of her other boot so I could experience my first orgasm in what seemed like an age, that I can be so wanton when denied for so long is no surprise any more, nor the pain I will endure to find pleasure. What surprised me was realising that Mistress hadn’t made me act this way, she simply allowed me to discover it within myself.

All the time her words were echoing through my mind, Mistress had playfully mentioned she had both good news and bad; she has decided that from now on I will be wearing a butt plug which has me worried but she also mentioned that she has a strap on she intends to use. I am not sure but I think this means Mistress is intensifying my training, that maybe I am reaching the next stage of my submission? She left me to think about it more deeply chained tautly to the St. Andrews cross in the hall, a small plug lodged deep inside me, causing me no end of wiggling and writhing to await her return.

Look at the state of your journal!

I have been looking forward to writing this post since I first had the idea about four weeks ago, a state of the journal address if you will. It has been a year since I started and I have to say I have enjoyed every minute of it; it has added an extra dimension to my roleplay, it has been a gift of words to Mistress, a learning experience for myself and the fact that others have enjoyed it has been absolutely fantastic. I look at it now like a long love letter of submission and gratitude.

The journal has received over… I can’t bring myself to say it even if it is true, a lot of page views. That little graph shows hits over the last year and you can see two things clearly, a six month period when the really real world hit me for a loop and that when it happened again things were not the same at all. Readers have been rising steadily and I like to think that a few return now and again but I only get a little feedback so it’s hard to tell.

As to the content, I think it is almost to the point where it serves as both a window onto my feelings and resource for Mistress to be able to use. I believe that will be a constantly evolving part of the journal which allows me to keep working on improving the page content while adding posts. I am after all a perfectionist, with pretensions of pedantry. Also an alliterative nightmare I know but I thoroughly enjoy playing with my writing, it’s part of the pleasure for me.

Here are a few statistics for you, the most viewed pages are:

1. Slave Positions, 1,620 hits.
2. Down at the ranch, 1,349.
3. Punishment Book, 519.
4. About Artemisia, 354.
5. About Mistress, 327.

I have no idea why the post down at the ranch is so popular, if anyone can answer that question I would be eternally grateful, is it a song or is the bondage ranch that popular? Whoever can point me in the right direction gets my eternal gratitude. You can also see one of the reasons why I want to work on the slave positions page so badly. I have reason to believe a great many of those searching for it are Gorean from the terms used but if it helps, wonderful.

The most used search terms are actually these:

1. slave positions, 539 times.
2. me naked, 93.
3. latex bondage, 72.
4. slave poses, 71.
5. naked bondage, 63.

No surprises there really but I wish I was able to view the least used search terms, there have been some classics, I’ll save some of them up for next year, promise. Ahh, sex on the internet, who would have thought it!

So in summation, thank you each and every one of you for your time and I hope I continue to be able to tease and amuse you with my words, give you a little window into my thoroughly enjoyable time in Second Life and to share the emotions of Artemisia Hobble. Here’s to the next year and all that it brings, the trials and tribulations of a deeply commited submissive and the loving yet firm guiding hand of Mistress Susi in teaching me to become a better slave.

I would like to just say thank you first and foremost to Mistress Susi but also Princess Marian, Kat and my other sisters, everyone in Dark Haven, Miss Erin and Lord Hawk and to everyone who has left comments or been a part of any of these entries either in passing or by participation and particularly Syl who has been such a supportive friend, without any of you none of this would have been possible. Finally to Marine Kelly for Restrained Life and all you have done for submissives in Second Life. Thank you for the experience, crashes and all… yes I’m looking at you Lindens.

A sense of longing

It has been an odd week to be sure, I am filled with what I can only describe as a sense of homesickness, my mind is constantly on Mistress and wondering where she is, what she is doing and hoping she is happy. I have been kept busy as Miss Erin promised with keeping her home clean and tidy, it’s a large place with lots of nooks and crannies so it would keep a small army of slaves constantly busy. The strangest thing is not that I perform these chores as naked as the day I came into the world but unrestrained and essentially unsupervised except for the monitoring of Miss Erin while she is home. I find it a curious and somewhat frightening, I feel safe and protected in my restraints and to be without them for so long is rather scary but to be without my collar is simply horrible.

I have to admit I have been having a hard time being separated from my family and friends in Dark Haven when I hear lots of interesting things are going on back home. I was able to share a few words with my sister Kat and have a longer conversation with Lord Hawk which eased my mind tremendously. In some ways this is a very educational experience and makes me realise just how blessed I am to be owned by Mistress, I have been told in the past by others that ours is an exceptional relationship and one not usually found here, there or anywhere. I realised this of course but to have it revealed to me like this just makes me treasure it all the more.

In other news I have been working on the final two sections of the wardrobe pages which should be up and running by the end of the week. I have revised and reorganised the rules page as directed by Mistress to make them more explicit because of a conversation we had just before she left. There are some additions to be made to the clothing section. The final page which needs work is slave positions which I intend to have fully functional quite soon.

One careful owner

Mistress has left me in the care of Miss Erin while she is away and already I feel a sense of loss and longing at her absence. She was always there to carefully guide me and bring me up short when I headed down the wrong path but now she is away and I feel like a captainless ship somehow, I have her guidance and rules drilled into me of course and I can keep going without her to set the course but it somehow feels emptier, sadder and maybe more alone?

Of course I am on my best behaviour for Miss Erin, I will not embarrass or shame Mistress by not keeping to her high standards but I have never been under the care of another before, I have never served another before without Mistress there. Are the rules different, are the standards different, what if anything can I expect? What are the nuances of my caretakers moods, what does a different inflection mean, could I break a rule I do not even know about simply through ignorance and what would the consequences be? These are all questions that crossed my mind as I waited in a cage, bound, gagged and blindfolded to find out what the next week will bring. The cloth of that blindfold was dampened a touch by the few simple tears I shed on our parting but I know Mistress will return and there will be more tears between but soon maybe tears of joy?

I began to learn a little of Miss Erin’s household and what is to be expected of me, it seems I will be kept naked for the duration of my stay and closely supervised if even from a distance and I am not to be idle in my time. Miss Erin has set me cleaning, a task which is not unknown to me although it is strange and curious to be so unrestrained at the moment, it’s not as if I would run away of course but to not be chained to something or even slightly restrained now feels alien and somehow scary! How my life has changed that I can write like that!

I have also met a few of Miss Erin’s own personal slaves and they are all a testament to her own taste and training. Always polite and unfailing busy around the household it seems like I will be merely adding to the immaculate nature of her home for if these slaves have gone before me I will be looking only for the slightest imperfections and Miss Erin must be attuned to perfection if she lives to this standard. One of her slaves is a curious creature and I have to admit while mildly curious I am confused also, I have heard and seen slaves who are made into something else at the whim of their owner but a cat is not something I have come across before. I’ll be careful there I think!

Sisters, sisters, there were never such devoted sisters

Yesterday was a time for patience and reflection as I learned to deal with my new ballet heels in the solitude and concentration of a blindfold. My one stable anchor in the world the chain to my restraints from the frame in the hall of Dark Haven. I barely had a chance to find my footing when Lord Nighthawk a new and welcome addition to the household managed to silently approach me without my noticing. What is it about dominant souls that they can pad as silently as a cat when they feel like it yet at other times every movement or look can speak volumes when they want it to? I begin to think it must be some innate otherworldly gift only given to those who can use it to surprise slaves.

We had a polite if not flattering conversation at times, I think I made an impression with my humility and honesty. It made me consider what we had discussed long after he had departed to go off out into the world on whatever errands a Lord has to run. I was never trained in being modest or polite, those were things that I already had but were amplified by the training I have received, in fact looking back on my rules I mention “beyond the most basic rules of respect, gratitude and being unfailingly polite” before we even get to the rules. It seems some are implied, suggested even hinted at sometimes. I must be aware of that in the future, I will need to pay even more attention it seems when even now my concentration can be stretched to the limits just keeping up.

It was well that I had spent time becoming accustomed to wearing my new footwear because Mistress had a particular test in mind for myself and my sister Kathleen. She sat in her high throne and watched us both like a hawk as we arched our spines and spread our legs, our arms flung out above our heads, all our weight resting on the tips of our toes and shoulders, our spines strung tightly like harp strings. It can only be described as the most devilish of stress positions and one I hope fondly does not become a regular part of my repertoire of slave positions. Kat broke first and had to ask to be relieved which led to her being punished of course and maybe spurred me on to greater endeavour. But it was no easy task and just before I collapsed in a heap of aching, strained agony I was somewhere I have never been before. A blindingly painful netherworld of constant sensation, strangest though was that it was me inflicting it upon myself not being forced upon me, to collapse and show weakness a far greater failure than to endure just a little bit more discomfort. I am not going to forget the release on my strained muscles as Mistress let us assume more worshipful poses and went off about her business. The silence almost absolute but for the gentle whimpers of Kathleen after her flogging and my own for my frayed composure.

Later that night Mistress had myself and my sisters in submission Kathleeen and Birte in colour coordinated outfits, well almost and I must admit to a little corset envy for my sisters who were adorned in matching corsets that while devilish looked quite lovely. We pleased Mistress greatly and she is toying with the idea of simply calling us by the names Red, White and Black in the future. While she was a world apart in her her astonishingly lustrous and beautiful silver. Whenever I think that my body goes through pains to achieve the figure or poise that Mistress demands I merely have to look at her wearing higher heels, more restrictive corsets with ease and grace and my complaints are silenced. She is as ever an inspiration and a delight and not just to the eye but to the mind.

Even achingly we were visiting a new feature of Dark Haven, strangely out of place in its surroundings and even shared a joke with Mistress that it might be the last time we were able to experience it if the Princess Marian sees it soon she is likely to go through the roof that her carefully crafted and maintained view has been marred. Mistress had a group photo taken to commemorate the Diner and our colour coordination and I wonder if we should be preparing the pitchforks and torches for the inevitable call from the Princess of Dark Haven?

Later that evening when it was just Mistress and myself I had cause to make a new entry in my punishment book, a slip of attention and concentration on my part and one I can only put down to corset related daydreams. I must make sure to keep those little wandering thoughts to my own private meditations. It seems I have been lax in keeping up my punishment schedule also which I feel is likely to pick up from where we left off with a new meaning and intensity. Mistress is thoroughly enjoying my obvious curiosity for what she has planned for me even asking me what I thought it might be? I answered as honestly as I could but even then she gives nothing away and for all I know is simply adding things to her list! It looks like it will be a surprise no matter what I say or do.

Curiouser and curiouser and curiouser still

Sometimes even in my well ordered and controlled life even I get caught up in the whirl of events that rush you off your feet. Last week I was quietly preparing a Valentines treat for Mistress by way of a little thank you, she of course was well aware I was up to something but she was kind enough to let me keep my secrets for a few days so she could be suitably surprised. Mistress was I believe pleased with my offering when I showed it to her and I have been ordered to continue it through to completion which delighted me. This will presage another chapter in this journey it seems because I cannot seem to find a way to link the two disparate threads together and this is and always will by the journal of a slave.

Last night we went out for a little while and we could not have been more differently dressed; Mistress almost warrior like in appearance she would brook no trouble from anyone her attire screamed, I in the skimpiest and slightest of clothing, there could be no doubt as to who had the whip hand in our relationship. We may have raised eyebrows but I find myself caring less and less about what others think and more about the pleasing visage I can be for Mistress. I was allowed the rare treat of buying myself additions to my own wardrobe and my ballet heel training has begun again in earnest, I now find myself locked in one set of a pair, the most extreme and daunting I have yet been able to manage and already I realise just what I have let myself in for, the constant and undeniable strain on my legs the pressure on my toes when walking en point constantly just another reminder of my place in the world.

Now it seems that Mistress has business to attend to in the short term future and will want to have me looked after in her absence, it also seems that by keeping Mistress in suspense last week I have earned my own little period of anticipation and curiosity. Apparently Mistress has a few options available to her so even if she felt willing to divulge details of her plans it could still be anything! So my curiosity grows and in some small measure my trepidation too, it seems Mistress is finding it more and more appealing to punish and control me totally and that it is my actions and demeanour that invite it. It seems like my submission becomes deeper and richer with every passing day as if by my simple submission I invite more and more. Curiouser and curiouser and how very wonderful it is too.

To sleep, perchance to dream

At the end of an ornate and imposing bed, so deliciously comfortable as to be fit for a queen, there stands another. Shiny black rubber sheets stretched over a tubular frame accompanied by the low steady whine of a pump sucking the air out from between the two layers, cocooning the occupant, the gently writhing sleek latex shape almost doll like in appearance. Fingers flex and toes squirm as the gently insistent rubber outlines her every curve and crevice, the hours of exquisite torment have made the rubber moist and slippery enough for a hairsbreadth of movement here, a fingers width there. The short panting breaths heard from the breathing tube are halfway between ecstatic gasps and moans for mercy. This is my bed, I don’t get much sleep.

It is constant and never ending, in the thick black latex all I can feel is my restriction, all I can taste is the latex, all I can see is blackness. Focused on the time ahead, sometime in the future I might be released to serve Mistress, crawling from my chrysalis to fall to my knees at her feet reborn every time I am free. Again between the sheets when she has tired of me or I have served my purpose. In the times between all I can think of is her, she knows exactly where I am at all times, she knows the sweet torments she puts me through just waiting for her. A long lingering fingertip tracing my body as she passes, a glance and maybe a smile? A shudder from me hidden by the all encompassing latex. This is my bed I have time to think and all I think about is Mistress.

Meditations on patience

I have been taking the lessons of Mistress to heart and using the time to really think about patience as a virtue I should embrace. I believe it means I should approach not just my submission but my life with a calm and steady outlook, not letting things annoy me or distract me from the task at hand. I should not complain, loose my temper or act rashly but think all things through with calmness, accepting situations for what they are and accept that I may not be able to change them. I should persevere for as long as it takes for only then having done my best will I and others benefit from my actions.

I have also been thinking about patience in respect to Mistress very carefully, I should not be making demands of her but await her command. It is only by being there where and when she requires that I will be able to serve her properly, if I am distracted by other things or even my own needs I will not be able to do that. If I allow my needs or the needs of others to interfere with that I will have failed. If I try to rush or move to fast I may miss a valuable lesson or not pick up on a subtle clue as to how I can make Mistress happy and content. That is my task and I will approach it patiently. I will discuss this with Mistress and see if I have come to the correct conclusions.

The picture above is of our little family in the throne room of the Dark Haven household; in pride of place is Mistress Susi upon her throne looking resplendent, I am kneeling on the left and my dear sister in submission Kathleen is in the same position to the right. This was taken soon after I was released from my meditations.

The Wardrobe pages on Heavy Rubber and Other have been added, the Latex page is now complete and the Restraints page nearly so.

Patience is a virtue

Mistress has been teaching me a valuable lesson in patience, I had been impatient and when it was discovered I was truly horrified. From the look in her eyes to the deadly silence that hung in the room she exuded quiet rage, I admit that I was shaken to the very core. Her method has been to keep me confined at all times; firstly in a padded cell to focus my mind and now I am kept constantly chained and on display in the hall of the Dark Haven household. Mistress has a way of finding a punishment that fits the crime like a glove and one that makes me learn my lesson and never forget it.

We visited Roissy for a short time yesterday and I was so proud to be displayed by Mistress again, I always find it exciting to be at her feet in public and have her be proud of me. The Sisters of O are interesting souls and I am always curious to see them, they seem to project a natural calmness and acceptance of their submission that I aspire to. I think that may be why Mistress occasionally visits and lets me observe them so I may learn some lessons by example.

We also discussed at length some very interesting questions that Mistress raised with me concerning names and terms of address, she has a way of making me think about an answer far more than I would have in my old life. It came down to this in my mind, if I am called a slut and I invite it almost revel in it am I humiliated? If a name is to be humiliating should you be comfortable with it? She was very careful to gauge my reactions and listen to my words but I decided in the end to give her free rein with whatever names she chooses for me, I trust her to much to deny her a training tool because I was initially squeamish.

I have been working hard on this journal over the past days, you will now find the wardrobe section has been properly started with a main page and two other pages on latex and restraints. The slave positions page has similarly been begun correctly. Images will be added as and when I can take them as I have now settled upon a good format for images. Two posts were made private because they are intensely personal and have served their purpose now, Mistress is still able to view them of course. I am beginning to become quite proud about the journal, with a little work things are really improving.