Two roads diverged…

I have been silent for a while and it is not for lack of news nor events to share, more that I have been a little overwhelmed and things are just beginning to settle down to the point where I feel able to write about them. I have been writing on scraps of paper and and in the back of my journal and finally feel able to share what has been happening. If I did it all at once you would be reading all day long so I am going to break it down into chunks over a couple of days and begin where all stories should begin, at the beginning.

Just before Mistress left me in the care or Miss Erin something very important happened in my life, something life changing, astonishing and quite wonderful. I was left a little confused and it took me a few days to realise what had actually happened in its full enormity and by that point Mistress was not there to share it with. I spoke with friends close to my heart and I hinted about it to others and when Mistress finally came back I was able to try to put it into words and since her joyful return I have not really felt like writing but have been simply relishing my time with her.

Mistress pushed me, she pushed me right to the edge of my limits, my feelings and when I was there teetering on the edge she pushed again and I was lost and falling in an instant. Not that I reached a limit in my submission far from it but her every word, her every action was in hindsight designed to take me into that confused place, and I followed wide eyed and eagerly to the edge and over it headlong at her bidding. What happened next was what was so very, very important to me. She read me like an open book, she understood what she was doing right down to the moment the change in me occurred and I was there in her arms in an instant sobbing my heart out in confusion and relief.

As I regained my composure we were joined by another and I was not even really able to put it into words even if we had been alone. I needed time to be able to think what had happened through. What had happened was is that Mistress had broken me, not in the sense she broke my will or broke me to the whip but that she broke my fear and doubt into a thousand scintillating pieces. I always trusted Mistress but the simple fact that she was there to catch me when I fell and I believe she would not only do it again but she would never fail to means something very important.

Mistress broke my fear and doubt in my own submission, not something a submissive talks about very often but we are always a little afraid of ourselves and our desires that they may lead us somewhere we cannot escape from. There is also the double edged sword of a slaves desire and her Mistress’s desire, where the two meet is the happy middle ground, where they diverge can be confusing and as hard to accept as you allow it to be. My submission and Mistress’s dominance are so closely matched that this is hardly ever an issue but if I said I was not naturally a masochist but that I find great delight in the pain Mistress inflicts I suspect it would surprise both her and others. But it is true.

So what I mean by Mistress broke is me is I would follow her with eager open eyes into any situation. I will accept any and all demands hungrily and eagerly even if initially I have a twinge of fear it will vanish like a spark from a fire wafting up into the night sky and fading in an instant. The simple reason I can do that is I know Mistress is there to lead me down not only the path of my submission but the  path of her domination and where the paths diverge and I will follow after her I know that will make all the difference.

Tomorrow is going to be a fabulous day in that my good friend Sylvesz and her love Pina will be joined in matrimony at long last and that I will be allowed to be there, the story of the last month will continue tomorrow and these days in which I find such pleasure and joy.

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